A new front has opened in the War on Christmas!

"Happy holidays?" What the hell kind of homojewmuslimcommie shit is that, Rick Perry?


I thought you were a real Christian Amurrican.

[Thanks, Hoffkins!]

Open wide!

Today's Asshole Dictionary entry

"Only kidding!" : What assholes say they were doing when they're called out for racist bullshit

Example:

Seeking to end three days of distractions from his campaign, Texas Gov. Rick Perry says in an interview to air Sunday that he has no doubt that President Obama is an American citizen, saying he was only kidding around about the issue when he raised doubts about where Obama was born. -- CBS News' Political Hotsheet

Separated at birth?

Cybernetic torture fetishist Dick Cheney...

... and this awesome Jack O'Lantern?

Curse you, Inspector Breitbart!

You and your Scooby Gang are too clever for the nefarious President Barry Soetoro!

So what happened was, Obama taped a recent weekly address at an auto factory in Detroit. We join the hysteria at Big Gubmint, already in progress:

President Obama delivered his weekly address to the nation from Detroit, Michigan this week after visiting workers at a GM assembly plant. When the video hit at Breitbart.tv, our tip box suddenly became very active with people claiming that the President was actually sitting in front of a green screen and the background image was really a composite image of an assembly line.

My favorite "expert" opinion:

It definitely looks greenscreen to me. there’s a lot of artifacting going on around the edges, which makes me think it was

keyed out. also, the spacial relationships look off…just doesn’t seem to fit…however, around his hair, I don’t see any traces of the keyed out background…this is usually a good place to see some artifacting from the keys.. that said, its tough to say definitively, but it does look greenscreen.

Over to Little Green Footballs: "This is so dimwitted I can almost feel my IQ melting away."

I'm running on fumes as it is. I'd better stay away from Breitbart sites for a while.

Photoshopportunity

Rick Perry has got to stop letting himself be photographed like this.

The inside of Marcus Bachmann's pants must look like a silent-movie pie fight right now.

Oh shut up, Ben Stein

Droning useless fartsack Ben Stein knows what these Occupy protests are really all about, and he's a-scared! "Writing" for the American Spectator, the never-relevant one-trick TV and movie character says that whatever comes after the Occupy movement will be dictatorship.

And then - and then! - he busts a move out of the Sarah Palin/Moonie Times playbook: "How long until the protesters are shouting about 'the Jew blood suckers,' I wonder," Stein parenthesizes, casually denigrating the experience of every Holocaust victim with his cheap, offhanded and misplaced snark.

He later suggests that businesses are like animals: "When they are confident and there's a meal around, they are extremely active." I'm actually with Stein on this - it makes more sense to me than Mitt Romney's creepy belief that corporations are people.

But animals need training before they come into regular contact with people. Especially big powerful animals. Take that Dog Whisperer guy - he can train a lethally strong pit bull to not kill people. What the Occupy protesters are saying is, somebody needs to whisper the shit out of these animals, because they're fucking shit up. (I'm paraphrasing here, obviously.)

Eh, I don't know what the point of this post is. Businesses are not evil, but markets need regulation. Dogs are nice, but you need to teach them not to shit everywhere and eat babies. And I'm fucking sick of conservative twunts implying that liberals are Nazis. Shut up, Ben Stein.