Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Kenneth Eng

This teeny-tiny picture of Kenneth Eng is the only one I could find. Possibly because he is a teeny-tiny piece of shit. But boy howdy is he full of hate. See his recent screed about black people.

(Update: the SF Gate article is no longer available. Amuse yourselves with Fuckhead's wikipedia entry.)
Dude. Racism is wrong, even if you are a victim of it.

Seriously, this is even worse than going pee-pee in somebody's Coke.

I used to like the name Grover

Remember when Grover was just a cute blue furry guy? Now I associate the name with this choad. Check out the quote in the last paragraph of this recent NY Times article:

'Mr. Norquist said he remained open to any of the three candidates who spoke to the council or to Mr. Romney. He argued that with the right promises, any of the four could redeem themselves in the eyes of the conservative movement despite their past records, just as some high school students take abstinence pledges even after having had sex.

'It’s called secondary virginity,' Mr. Norquist said. 'It is a big movement in high school and also available for politicians.'"

Oy. Fucking. Vey.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fuck you, Aaron Sorkin

After last night's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, you are dead to me. You don't create characters, you manufacture delivery systems for pat, cutesy quips. And then you button a meandering episode with the kind of greeting card sentimentality that would make The Waltons vomit.

You were probably a lot cooler when you were using drugs. Oh, that's right, you still are.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Brian Atene

Remember that Brian Atene video? "Good day, Mr. Kubrick..." God, I popped like 26 boners the first time I saw that thing! It was so full of the awkward, clueless douchebaggery of youth. You laughed, mostly. But you also cringed at uncomfortable moments of identification with a precocious kid taking himself way too seriously.

He could have been the James Dean of cringeworthy web videos, leaving behind a tantalizingly slim body of work that made you wonder longingly at what might have been.

And then he had to come along and ruin everything, by making another video.

It's not that he got old. We all do. It's not that he still can't act.

It's that he now attempts some ironic detachment from his former self, disowning the operatic idiocy of his salad days.

So, Brian Atene of 1984, I will treasure you always.

Brian Atene of the present day, go fuck a duck.

Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson

My friend Mike suggested this pewling shitbag for the list. And at first, I disagreed. I don't want this blog to be any kind of political statement. It is simply hurtful invective spewed at unwitting targets for the sheer cussed pleasure of being an asshole.

But Mike's right.

There are plenty of reasons to dislike Tucker Carlson. His shallowly held, half-understood conservative views. His glib dismissal of public health concerns. His small, feminine hands and general prison-bitch demeanor.

But ultimately, it's that fucking bow tie. Who is this asshole, Professor Harold Hill?

What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with this guy, and a sock full of dessicated dog shit.

Verily thou art a douche

Shakespeare is awesome.
This guy is not.

Goes without saying

You think this picture is bad? You should meet this asexual lump of bullshit-chip cookie dough in person.

Nice unicycle, dick

"Oooh! Look at me! I'm riding my unicycle! In a fucking photo studio!"

If I met this guy, I don't think I could ever stop kicking him.