Monday, September 29, 2008

Mayor Danny Funderburk

Ever try to have a rational discussion with somebody from the South? Particularly, a white Christian from the South? It can’t be done.

It’s not that they’re retarded for basing their careers, world views and lives on a book with less consistent internal logic than an Archie comic. It’s not that they’re all racists, even the ones who seem nice.

It’s this fucking passive-aggressive dick move they like to pull, saying something so insulting, offensive and inflammatory that the only appropriate response is a right cross. But saying it in a detached, third-person, “Hey, I’m just curious, how do you feel about this?” kind of folksy tone.

Like, “Well, my granddaughter’s fiancé certainly seems like a nice fella. He’s clean enough, and well spoken. But I just wonder what some of the ladies in my book group would say about her dating a nigger. If only they could see the boy as I see him. They’d know he’s much more than just the color of his skin. The dark, dark color of his skin.”

That’s the kind of crap that makes me want to sock the bullet-headed semi-moron mayor of Fort Mill, SC, right in his pointy little chin. Danny P. Funderburk is the chief executive of a rest stop along the I-77 and, apparently, active in his local church. In an email he circulated among his cousin-fucking co-congregants, this shithead says he’s “just curious” if that Democratic darkie running for the White House is the anti-Christ.

The email claims that the Book of Revelation says the anti-Christ will be in his 40s, and of Muslim origin.

There is nothing like that in Revelation – and I’m really into heavy metal, so I have read that particular book of the Bible more times than I can count.

Oh, yeah, and Obama’s not a Muslim.

Of course, Shithead didn’t write the email himself. He forwarded it, like I’m sure he forwards every chain letter and heartwarming tale about orphans. In a phoner with the Charlotte Observer, he says he “was trying to get documentation if there was any Scripture to back it up.”

Okay, reasonable enough. You could do one of two things: visit Snopes, which discredited this email back in March (Mayor Danny forwarded it this month).

Or you could, you know, read the fucking Bible.

Or is your shithole town too poor to even have a copy, Danny?

I’m just curious.

[Lick me, Wonkette]


Lefty Jackwood said...

Nice job. You REALLY showed who the ignorant one was.