Sunday, October 26, 2008

Crazy space church founded by con artist mobilizes in support of Prop 8

If some dick in a cheap suit and a Super Cuts coif knocks at your door way too early on a Saturday, he's probably a Mormon. He wants your support for Proposition 8, which would amend the California state constitution to prohibit gay couples from marrying. 
  The church - which is crazy even by the batshit standards of other religions - is all in on this one, dedicating more resources to the cause than they did to help defeat the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s. They're sending out those creepy missionaries, working their church phone trees, and reading a letter from the First Presidency to every congregation urging passage of the amendment. 
  My friend Wil, a complete degenerate, has a theory to explain why religious leaders are so fired up about this issue. He thinks it's because they're mostly closet cases, clinging to an illusion of heterosexuality by suffering through their blessed unions. If gay marriage is legal, Wil reasons, these freaks will all go buck wild and start making barnyard scat porn.  
  That theory makes about as much sense to me as anything else ever done in the name of religion, so I'll buy it. 
   And what kind of bullshit church has a president? You're supposed to have a pope, or an archbishop, or a poobah or something rad. Presidents are for things like Star Wars fan clubs.