If John McCain seems more doddering than usual, it's probably witchcraft. Flo Ellers of the InJesus online community says a friend of hers went to Obama's "home village" in Kenya, where witches and sorcerors "were weaving lazy 8's around McCain's mind to make him look confused and like an idiot." Mission accomplished, witches!
Oh, but I know what you're thinking: "Bah! This is mere hearsay."
Think again, pal: "I read a portion of 'Obama Nation' book [sic] and looked at several web sites and found most of this information to be true," Flo says. "All except the curses part, of course."
So there you have it - footnoted sources, thank you very much.
And speaking of witches - let's all enjoy the song stylings of Mr. Tim Curry in the 1986 made-for-TV classic, The Worst Witch. Eric, this goes out to you, buddy.