Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Glenn Spencer: Racist, Fat, Pervert?

You know what's creepy? A guy who has never served in the military, but who wears what look like combat fatigues and peppers his speech with quasi-Special Forces buzz words. Guys like this always turn out to be sexual deviants. Always.

Which is why I'm never going within 100 miles of Glenn Spencer. The conspiracy-mad founder of American Patrol, a vigilante group with the self-appointed responsibility of monitoring activity along the US-Mexico border, loves to coin macho-sounding titles for his bullshit "operations." I couldn't blame Glenn if he fell for me - I am, after all, quite the prettyboy - but you just know that sex for him involves chloroform, guns, and some sort of Fascist iconography. Oh, and cake. Lots and lots of cake.

Check it out: Glenn strung a bunch of web cams along some property between Arizona and Mexico and called it "Operation Virtual Vigilance." It's part of the Tactical Operations, or "Tac-Ops," effort he insists is Amurrica's only defense against incursion by the Scary Brown People. If we're not careful, Glenn wheezes, they'll scamper over the border and re-conquer the American Southwest as a northern Mexican state called Aztlan.

Oooh, and Glenn likes to play with radio-controlled planes! Only he calls them "unmanned aerial drones." Kinda like how I used to call my dolls "action figures." He's presenting data from these "missions" on Thursday at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. Glenn has tagged the effort "Operation B.E.E.F.," for "Border Enforcement Evaluation First."

AH HA HA HA HA! Racist fatty can't keep his mind off snacks! Glenn will then cap the demonstration with Operation B.A.C.O.N., or "Border Action Calls for an Order of Nachos."