So, no Ark. But there's a perfectly good explanation. Or something.

Remember the other day when the patriarch of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church promised to reveal the Ark of the Covenant? Yeah, well, about that...

Patriarch Abuna Pauolos, seen here working the omelet station at a Golden Corral, had said that the artifact could be available

for public viewing in a planned museum. But not right now.

Now, I know what you're thinking; that Abuna doesn't even have the Ark, and he just made this whole thing up to impress a chick. But hold on! "Biblical investigator" Bob Cornuke has a "bread crumb trail" that follows the Ark from Jerusalem, to Egypt, to Ethiopia. And he met a 105-year-old guy who saw the Ark, and, "it frightened him to death when he got a glimpse of it." Figuratively, one would assume.

But Grant Jeffrey is calling bee ess. The host of TBN's Bible Prophecy Revealed says that Israeli commandos "from the tribe of Levi" slipped in during the Ethiopian civil war and spirited the Ark back to the Holy Land.

Still with me? Okay. Here's where it gets weird, and where one guy says that stuff in the Bible might not be true! See, Jeffrey says a guy

who used to work for Haile Selassie (I and I, mon! Rasta!) told him that King Solomon's son Menelik took the Ark to Ethiopia like 3,000 years ago because Pappy was "slipping into apostasy."

Chuck Missler, a Bible teacher, says that the Ethiopians "cling to a belief that is clearly not biblical in terms of how the Ark got down there. But that doesn't mean they don't have it." Oh, man... don't let John Hagee hear you talk like that, ya filthy sinner.

Still not convinced? Check this shit out: "The quest for the artifact received additional publicity in 1981 when actor Harrison Ford searched for it in Steven Spielberg's Raiders of the Lost Ark."

So, in summation: World Net Daily is hilarious. Except for this ad they're currently running. What the hell??