Diddle Your Cooch

I secretly adore the Winter Olympics, particularly as an adult, because it provides a ready excuse to extend the sedentary binge-drinking wrought by football season well into February (how the hell else are you expected to watch the Nordic Combined except under such conditions?). Plus, the Winter Olympics don't pull anywhere near the level of emotional blackmail on you as the Summer Olympics do... you know, when you find yourself sniffling at the television for your wasted youth and lack of fast-twitch muscle fibers and any sense of discipline*.

Anyway, this dude better be in Vancouver not just because he's a rad skier, but because he has a hilariously inappropriate name in the Joycean sense:



And it's likely that this queef will be there, too, who basically just throws crippled-ass shade as his mullet jumps around the rink:



And he stole your mom's headband, too:











That's why I hope Nobunari Oda beats Plushenko's oligarchic ass, if for nothing else than for the fact that dude skated to the soundtrack to Super Mario Bros. 2 in competition a while back:



*=Yes, I hate myself.