Friday, February 6, 2009

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone

I thought I'd post something about Miley Cyrus mocking Asian people then failing at apology, and Florida state commiteewoman Carol Carter mocking black people then failing at apology, and the burgeoning trend of the insincere apology. And then I started looking for photos, and I found this one of Carol Carter.

I mean, holy shit. Look at this heifer. I've seen some ugly broads in my day, but this is off the meter. Is that her head, or did somebody crap on her shoulders? She's so ugly she could qualify for disability.

I may be getting soft in my old age, but I can't, in good conscience, take pot-shots at a woman who has been so cruelly misshapen by fate.

Miley Cyrus can go fuck herself, though.

[Muchas gracias a Slant Eye for the Round Eye]

Why are people such assholes?

See this fussy-looking old fart? He's Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Association. That's a club for small-minded shitwads with a crippling fear of teh ghey. Anyway, the Goodridges have filed for divorce, and Kris - no, I don't know why he spells his name like a chick - has a Schadenfreude-boner that won't quit.

Hillary and Julie Goodridge were the lesbian couple whose fight for the right to marry sparked a national movement. After four years, they've separated amicably. Yeah, it's sad, but shit happens.

But Kris is going all Church Lady on the poor broads. "Divorce is a very painful issue," he told the screwy, paranoid World Net Daily. "But I also can't help but reflect on the pain this couple has caused on the commonwealth and the nation to redefine marriage. And now they're getting divorced? It doesn't make a lot of sense," Mineau said.

"Obviously, they don't hold the institution in very high esteem."

Shut it, clown. Over 60% of American marriages - mostly, it's worth noting, between men and women - end in divorce.

And you're a load that your mother should have swallowed.

Kellogg serves up a bowl of asshole

The Kellogg Co. ended its sponsorship deal with Michael Phelps. Because he must be punished for the horrible practice of getting high at a party.

This is a company, Reason notes, founded by a man who was obsessed with policing people's personal sexual beahvior, and even advocated mutilating children to keep them from masturbating. In his book, Plain Facts for Old and Young, he also recommended, to prevent children from this "solitary vice", bandaging or tying their hands, covering their genitals with patented cages, sewing the foreskin shut, and electrical shock. I went to a bar like that once, back in NYC. I don't want to talk about it.

And not for nothing, but Kellogg makes more than cereal. It's also America's second largest cookie and cracker maker. Who the hell do you think is buying all those Keebler Fudge Shoppe Cookies?

I can tell you who won't, from now on. I'll never buy a Kellogg's product again as long as I live. Now don't you piss me off, Nabisco.

UPDATE: Sign the petition to let Kellogg's know what you think. [Thanks, Eat Me Daily!]

Thursday, February 5, 2009

No stimuli for Grampa

The Nation notes that John McCain has taken his opposition to the stimulus bill online. And that doesn't really matter:
McCain's push... is unlikely to have much impact. Politically, Republicans have already been uniting against the stimulus. Organizationally, McCain's campaign email list is very thin, since the majority of addresses were purchased, not organically recruited, according to a senior GOP source.

But here's what I wanna know: When did Grampa start using the email? Fuck, he's gonna start forwarding golf jokes and funny dog pictures left and right. Update your filters.

The Bush Song

YouTuber Henryhey gave us the Palin Song a while back. I'm digging his latest:

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Okay, Brazil, we get it

You're sexy. Fine. You dance the Forbidden Dance. Can we just take it as read?
A judge in Sao Paolo fined an electronics store for failing to repair a TV set, saying that it deprived the customer of an "essential good."
Fair enough. As an experienced Law & Order viewer I can clearly see there's room for appeal, but it's a valid legal opinion.
But the judge? He wanted to make it sexily clear: "Without it, how can the owner watch the beautiful women on Big Brother, the news or (football)," the judge quipped.
His Honor then looked at the assembled reporters with smoldering eyes and a playful sneer.

STFU, Voldemort

It didn't take long for Dick Cheney to become that cranky old guy who thinks the whole world is going to hell and things were a lot better back in his day:
“When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry,” Cheney said.

Look, Dick... if this country can stand eight years of your corrupt, corrosive influence from within, I think we'll be okay from here. Go shoot a friend in the face or something.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Oh, for crap's sake, again!

Yeah, so Michael Phelps smoked pot. And that is only a shameful and scandalous thing because a preposterous law makes it so.

Aren't we in the middle of the biggest cockfucketyshitcunt motherfucking huge financial crisis this nation - nay, this hemisphere - has ever faced? Surely this government would welcome any and all new revenue streams.

And the regulation and sale of legalized marijuana would net our nation a tidy... uh... hey, anybody out there know about this sort of thing? I can hook you up with some cool shit if you explain it for us.


I've got a can't miss movie idea!

Mr. Wurzelbacher Goes to Washington!

Quick, what's Larry the Cable Guy doing?

Cut Christian Bale some slack

As a friend recently observed, he's had a rough life: growing up in a POW camp, forced to eke out a meager living selling newspapers, battling dragons and moonlighting as a crimefighter.

Oh, and here's the extended dance mix of his freakout on the set of Terminator 4.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Art ya gotta have

Boundless thanks to Stop All Monsters for hipping us to this art treasure:

This particular black velvet painting was hand-painted in Tijuana, Mexico in 2008 by the professional Mexican velvet Elvis artist "ARGO." It is called: "Joe The Plumber On Black Velvet" (Modern American Media Martyrtm #274/1000).

That's a low edition number - the kind of thing that will net you mad scrilla on Antiques Roadshow 2020.

This Just In: Don McLean is Still Annoying

Well, hello there! It's almost the 50th anniversary of the Day the Music Died (womp-womp). So let us revisit the Time-Life infomercial star of yesteryear that is one Mr. Don McLean, genesis of the DtMD's most cloying by-product. And goddamn!, is that one annoying-ass song, especially live:

For Don McLean, "a long, long time ago" was, what?, 1972(?)-1959=13 years(?), which means that if he were farting around now for the first time courtesy of a time-shift, he'd be whining about 1996, and probably about how Deep Blue beat Gary Kasparov at chess and then stole his Motorola StarTAC or some bullshit. And he'd probably write a 1,823-minute song about it, too.

"I'm not gonna bad-mouth, but I'm gonna bad-mouth."

Apparently this started out as an infomercial for a leather clothing store. But it kinda took a turn for the political:
"If Hillary Clinton didn't spend a whole year runnin' for President, instead of doin' somethin' for the state of New York, maybe we'd be a little better. If Spitzer wasn't out there poppin' chicks like BAHN-BAHNS, maybe we'd be a little better. So for a whole freakin' year, we had a woman runnin' all over the country runnin' for President, and I ain't seen her face since. Meanwhile, in upstate New York, there's no jobs, there's no action, ain't nothin' happenin'"

Yes, it really is 2009

I can't believe we're still having this conversation. In the run-up to a final vote in March, the Texas State Board of Education is debating the language in biology textbooks concerning the theory of evolution. While voting to drop language stressing the "strengths and weaknesses" of this model, which is accepted by every other civilized nation on earth, the board now requires students and teachers to "analyze and evaluate common ancestry and natural selection, both key components of modern evolutionary theory."

The Texas Freedom Network has been liveblogging all public debate on the issue, and it's kinda scary.

Ken Mercer, a particularly stupid board member from San Antonio, dismissed any notion that denying students a solid grounding in something so basic to science as evolution will put them at an academic disadvantage later in life. He portrays that as discrimination against people whose religious beliefs lead them to reject evolution.

"So much for the argument that this debate isn’t about religion," TFN observes.

You know why these people don't believe in evolution? Because it hasn't happened to them yet.