Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
UPDATE: The old drunk is trying to spin her House floor comments:
"I was referring to a 2004 ABC 20/20 report on Mr. Shepard's death. The 20/20 report questioned the motivation of those responsible for Mr. Shepard's death. Referencing this media account may have been a mistake, but if so it was a mistake based on what I believed were reliable accounts."Nice try. That 20/20 story has been thoroughly fisked and found to have been a shoddy piece of reporting.
As you can see, the 20/20 report substantially omits evidence that was produced at the time establishing McKinney's bias motivation. And indeed, McKinney not only did not deny the existence of this bias, he positively embraced it at trial by attempting a "gay panic" defense.Fuck off, Virginia.
And it's urolagnia, not urophilia. You stupid fucking hillbilly. Jeez, you even suck at being a pervert.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
But I digress.
Anyway, I know shit-all French, but I've heard that this France Gall song is a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, and also per the video:
I mean, it's total '80s cheese, and it's basically a Benetton ad, but whatever.
So of course this klassy remake from last year makes a lot of sense:
"Ironically, Devo was kind of optimistic," Devo founder Mark Mothersbaugh tells Spinner. He and his bandmates naively thought that, "all [they] had to do was talk about things and people would say, 'Wait a minute. Let's do the math here, it's not gonna work.' And then the humans would wanna change things.'"
I got one thing right, though! Mothersbaugh's bandmate Gerald Casale calls Rush Limbaugh "a great example of devolution." Shit yeah, I'm hip!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Now the US faces the possibility of a swine flu pandemic. And we learn that Karl Rove and Congressional Republicans ridiculed a proposed stimulus bill allotment of $900 million for pandemic preparedness.
This is really useful information. Now we know that if a Republican thinks an idea is bad, it is the correct course of action. Glad we figured this one out!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Yay! My boyfriend Joe Barton got me an early present... Lord Discount was back in town this past Friday! Except it was all for naught, as the House Energy and Commerce Committee bumped his fine ass for Newt Gingrich at some climate change hearing.
Also, it was 93 degrees today.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
“Just as President Reagan’s identification of the Soviet Union as the ‘evil empire’ galvanized opposition to communism, we hope that the accurate depiction of the Democrats as a Socialist Party will galvanize opposition to their march to socialism.”
I have a resolution too. Mine renames Bopp "Mister Time-Wasting Shitpants Imbecile."
Sorry. I used to be a copy editor. Shit like this drives me bats.
Congratulations, Secretary Chu, on becoming the nation's most overqualified grade school science teacher!
[Gracias a Talking Points Memo!]
The easy-care outfits are especially handy at book burnings, like the one the NSM is hosting next month in Oregon.
And despite what you might expect from a bunch of men who fuss about clothing, some of them actually have sex with women:
A sweep of skinhead lairs throughout the Inland Empire on Monday twice took sheriff's deputies to maternity wards where pregnant women were trying to bear babies on Adolf Hitler's birthday.As the old saying goes, you can't judge a book by its cover!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Because Shakespeare nerds aren't annoying enough - sorry, enow - as it is.
You could also rock this shirt from the inestimably wonderful Married to the Sea.
Hey nonny nonny!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
"I’m not giving to charity this year!" one hedge-fund analyst shouts into the phone, when I ask about Obama’s planned tax increases. "When people ask me for money, I tell them, 'If you want me to give you money, send a letter to my senator asking for my taxes to be lowered.' I feel so much less generous right now."What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with that prick, and a sock full of horse manure.
Tiahrt lasted longer than handicappers had predicted, but he finally caved the other day:
"The congressman believes Rush is a great leader of the conservative movement in America... Nothing the congressman said diminished the role Rush has played and continues to play in the conservative movement."Cheer up, Todd: Your Congressional health plan covers Neuticles!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Plus this dude, who stole his family's Ford Windstar for the day:
And these people:
BUT HOLD THE FUCK UP! What was going on in Vegas on Saturday night?
THAT'S RIGHT. Muthafuckin' team darts, people.
~*I don't think you're ready for this Juche*~
Pedo Bear evidently makes his home between Desert Center and Needles, so watch out. Safety first.
Heidi, during the election you endorsed John McCain for president. How do you think Barack Obama is doing as president so far?
HM: Not as good as McCain. I'm just kidding. I don't know it's hard to tell. It's a crazy world but I think he's doing just fine.
So, people are really into these two? Like, if I post a picture of this re-re, I'll get lots of hits? 'Cause that'd be nice. Oh, and could you click on the ads? Even the ones for, like, Sarah Palin's PAC?
But you know what else?
Leave your best efforts in the comments. Winner gets a copy of Black Dogs, signed by the author, my angry little friend Jason Burhmester. Just don't make fun of his shitty tattoos.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
These supposed journalists and their networks... have rather seriously insulted the citizens who colorfully took to the streets to air respectable views in a most civil fashion. If they had any decency, Cooper et al. would apologize for their vile reference to sexual practices in the context of ordinary citizens exercising their First Amendment rights.
And you'd better watch your snarky ass too, Taibbi:
UPDATE: I had missed Matt Taibbi's vulgar assault on Michelle Malkin in this context drawing on the heterosexual form of the practice.(NB: It is my understanding that teabagging is orientation-agnostic - all may enjoy the practice, gay or straight. Or, as Powerline prefers it, "homosexual or heterosexual.")
It was fun while it lasted. And hey, don't be sad! We still have 2M4M to entertain us.
Friday, April 17, 2009
From next month's Details interview with Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL):
He's the only one of his siblings not married with children, and is similarly an outlier among his friends. "I had a group of five or six guys, and we hung out and traveled--ski trips and stuff," he says... "There's no line of young ladies at my door every morning," he says.
Wrong, bitch. What happened was, your guys raised an armed insurrection against your government, because you wanted to maintain a slave state. You were wrong, and you lost, so now you need to suck it.
But the genteel folks of the Georgia General Assembly? They ain't having none of that. Take a look at this shit they just passed:
The month of April of each year is hereby designated as Confederate History and Heritage Month and shall be set aside to honor, observe, and celebrate the Confederate States of America, its history, those who served in its armed forces and government, and ... the cause which they held so dear from its founding on February 4, 1861, in Montgomery, Alabama, until the Confederate ship CSS Shenandoah sailed into Liverpool Harbor and surrendered to British authorities on November 6, 1865.
Man, they're in overdrive since that nigra President took office. When will these fucking hillbillies quit it with the candy-ass Gone With the Wind fetishism? Confederates were terrible people who did terrible things.
Oh, and fuck you too, Rick Perry. Texas would be a Third World country if it weren't for Washington. And what's this I hear?
I am 35 years old, never been married, I don't have any children, and I am a virgin by choice. I am 5'10, 224 lbs. Brown hair/eyes. People tell me I look like Matt Damon all the time. I work with mentally disabled adults in a home.
I am looking for more than just a girlfriend. I am looking for a partner. A confidant. A wife.
I am seeking a grounded Christian woman who is looking to serve her man and her Lord.
I am not picky or particular about looks or anything but I do have some minor wishlists:
You are not Catholic
You are not Jewish
You are not Mormon
You are not a witch
You are Caucasian or Hispanic, but no more than half Hispanic.
You are height/weight proportionate. Health is very important! I may look overweight but I have lost 15 lbs so far.
You believe the Jesus is our Lord and Savior
You never, ever would vote for somebody like Obama or any other Liberal.
You think a clean house is important.
You believe in serving a man.
Red hair is preferable and nobody taller than me.
Must have job.
Must like lizards.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tell me I'm wrong.
P.S. - Mike Barnicle is hilarious and really needs his own show
P.P.S. - Heidi Harris is a winning combination of crazy and stupid
So this guy tries to rob a Conoco. But he didn't count on the Caveman!
"Give me all the money you got", the suspect yelled. "Give it to me, open it up, come on" he screamed as [Conoco employee Nick] Dunton opened the cash register. After taking the cash, the suspect tried to run out of the store but was confronted by a customer.
The customer, who Dunton knows as "Don", identified himself as "Caveman". While the robbery was in progress, "Caveman" picked up a step stool and approached the robber. When he got the robbers attention, he slammed the step stool on top of his head.
Does Caveman have a PAC? Because I will contribute money to it.
"In her April 10 USPTO filings, the 33-year-old mother of 14 identifies herself as "Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom," and notes that she wants to use the "Octomom" handle on products such as dresses, pants, shirts, and disposable and textile diapers. Suleman also wants to secure a trademark to use "Octomom" in connection with TV variety programming."Rather than risk a lawsuit for unauthorized use of her copyrighted handle, from now on I'll call her Insane Lisping Child-Woman Who Thinks Her Vagina is a Clown Car. My attorneys assure me this is okay.
I think marijuana should be legalized. And I generally don't pay much attention to SUV-driving preppy douchebags. So why do I care about this story?
Because this dick is the son of Rep. Paul Broun, the ostentatiously pious hypocrite who sought to ban pornography on military bases and recently yowled about Barack Obama's Nazi-Communist private army. Or something.
So yeah, fuck that guy. And his whole family.
(P.S. - I know the pic looks weird. Blogger's uploader is being all fucky today so I had to point to an offsite image.)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
"If judges overrule Congress and the majority of the American people by striking down [the Defense of Marriage Act], it would be the same type of judicial supremacy that occurred 152 years ago in the famous Dred Scott case."Um, WTF did you just say, Wrinkles? It sounded like you were equating fair and equal treatment under the law for gay people with the buying and selling of human beings. DOMA was a fried turd of family-values grandstanding, promoted by shitsack social conservatives when they had a veto-proof legislative majority. Bob Barr has since apologized for his sponsorship of the bill. Bob. Fucking. Barr.
But Phyllis says you can talk to her palsied, liver-spotted hand: "Americans must preserve DOMA at any cost."
And then it was time for the maid to wipe Phyllis' ass.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Although if they do a follow-up video with "Father Vic" all tore up like this, I might just once again embrace Holy Mother Church. Come on! How funny would that be?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
“The forced consumption of numerous refined foods daily is abhorrent to Mr. Nichols’ sincerely held religious beliefs, for it forces him to sin against God in that it (refined foods) destroys His holy temple (i.e. my body),” wrote Nichols, 54, in the handwritten lawsuit filed last month in U.S. District Court in Denver.
Of course, Nichols' sincerely held religious beliefs didn't stop him from helping Timothy McVeigh murder 168 people in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.
In addition to $4.5 million in damages, Nichols demands 100% whole wheat breads, cereals and pastas, more raw vegetables (with peels intact), a variety of fresh fruits, no deep-fried foods, and brown or wild rice instead of white rice.
I'm against the death penalty. That said, I don't care what happens to this piece of shit. If he doesn't like the food in solitary, maybe he can transfer to the general prison population and live on a steady diet of ass rape.
Republicans are into spanking:
Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.)... last week introduced a bill in the House to amend the U.S. Constitution to permanently “enshrine” in American society an inviolable set of parents’ rights. The bill had 70 co-sponsors, all Republicans, including Minority Whip Eric Cantor and Minority Leader John A. Boehner (pictured).The bill is in response to a U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child, which Bill Clinton signed in 1995 but which has never been ratified. Conservative Christian groups like the Home School Legal Defense Association, naturally, ain't having any. If that compact is ratified, HSLDA founder Michael Farris worries, "parents would no longer be able to administer reasonable spankings to their children."
So, the party of small government wants to mark up the Constitution so they can beat their kids.
[h/t: 43 IPM]
Friday, April 10, 2009
I'm sure you are, no doubt, as devastated as I am by the death of Tam Paton this week, who was the manager of the Bay City Rollers. And you know what? Being responsible for unleashing the Bay City Rollers on the world is enough to warrant a spell in Hell. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
AYE, IT BURNS, I TELL YE!!
"Same-sex marriage is quite different from bans on interracial marriage in one powerful respect: It asks religious Americans to surrender a core belief — not only Leviticus (disapproval of gay sexual acts), but Genesis (the idea that God himself made man as male and female and commanded men and women to come together in a special way to image the fruitfulness of God)." -- Maggie Gallagher
The Huffington Post reports...
In a marriage of Christian tradition and digital technology, Wall Street's Trinity Church is using the micro-blogging service Twitter to perform the story of Jesus Christ.
The main characters will tweet the Passion play for three hours beginning at noon on Good Friday. The feed also can be delivered to mobile devices or e-mail addresses.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
And you can thank the colossal nerds at Queerty for this Magic: The Gathering-inspired portrait:
All politics aside, I'm disappointed. A fat chick named Maggie Gallagher is supposed to be a million laughs, you know? The kind of girl who could drink you under the table and might blow you just for the hell of it. Instead, she turns out to be this wheezing, scowling hall monitor determined to shit on other people's lives. You suck, Maggie.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Movie fans are pretty familiar with the website C.H.U.D. (which I believe stands for, "Cinematic Happenings Begrudgingly Slapped Down in Front of You in the Most Smug and Condescending Manner Possible"). Every now and again, the bearded trolls who run the site take time away from pressing a glass to Hugh Jackman’s trailer and sweating bacon to actually write editorials on why they rule and everyone else can, apparently, suck one.
Most recently, one of them took on the issue of “Makers of Fan Films” (Finally! These guys have gotten away with this for too long! Thank god this recession has us all re-evaluating our priorities.) They single out a guy named Sandy Collora, who made a slight internet name for himself by making pretty impressive Batman, Superman, and Predator tribute films. If you’re into those kinds of things, they were an OK bit of harmless fun. If not, you probably never heard of him and don’t care. Which is also OK.
C.H.U.D’s argu-rant is that Collora is a moron. A hack. A fool who is wasting his life making films based on other people’s material. And now this brainless fucktard has the AUDACITY to make a low budget feature-length film that kind of, sort-of resembles other people’s material. What an IDIOT! I quote:
Sandy Collora is not [brilliant]. He's made a "feature" and I am blown away by how gently the online world is treating the trailer and what it represents. It may be feature length but it's still idol worship and lowest common denominator filmmaking. Uwe Boll, despite his nightmarish execution, at least has the good sense to creatively fuck his audience with concussively diverse bad filmmaking. I think people who make really polished fan films are infinitely worse than folks like Boll. They take actual skill and waste it on the dumbest shit imaginable. That someone would eschew an original, fresh idea for something with existing comic book characters and film franchise characters is like a "fuck you" to the writers out there with real ideas that simply need to be paired with a new filmmaker with the ability to execute those ideas…
…Lately I've begun to notice that with the increased toolboxes available to amateur filmmakers and film school students, the product looks better and better while the ideas behind them stay deeply embedded in a world with a wisp-thin creative vision. If the goal is to create viral videos, then mission accomplished. If the goal is to actually become a filmmaker and not a ROM emulator of older ones, then it's time to return your Final Cut Pro and Photoshop programs to the store, filmmakers. You should be running the A/V section of Verizon's team building department, not gallavanting conventions as the flavor of the millisecond.
This from a site that gives frequent and lusty blowjobs to Watchmen “director” Zach Snyder. C.H.U.D. unironically calls Snyder a “visionary” despite a resume that consists of THREE FUCKING MOVIES, ALL BASED ON OTHER PEOPLE’S MATERIAL: A Dawn of the Dead remake (this time, the zombies run fast! Um….just like in 28 Days Later), an entirely green-screen photocopy of Frank Miller’s 300 (every panel, painstakingly preserved), and a multi-million dollar pageant based on Watchmen (“Hey, guys? Don’t so much ‘act’ as ‘pose.’ Just like….well, just like here in this panel.”)
But don’t bother pointing that out to C.H.U.D. They’re in the right, you see, because isn’t it better to sit back and shit on people’s work rather than try and do something yourself?
Is it any wonder film “journalism” is dead?
An upcoming series titled, "Someone's Gotta Go," lets employees of a small business decide which one of their colleagues will be laid off.
I dunno. Maybe you have to be a billionaire, with knotted string for a dick and a pile of crusty coke boogers where your soul is supposed to be, in order to appreciate this. But to most people, in this economic climate, layoffs are about as entertaining as AIDS.
Oh, wait - did I just spoil the surprise twist in some new Fox dating series?
Get out of my country, you filthy immigrant.
The National Organization for Marriage rolled out a new media campaign in response to the news. Its centerpiece is a plodding, melodramatic clip rehashing the same stupid lies that opponents of same-sex marriage have been peddling for years: The government will ban religion and fuck you in the ass. Or something.
So why am I smiling?
Because the National Organization for Marriage is also known as NOM. As in NOM NOM NOM. And the president of NOM is a giant eat-beast! HA HA HA HA! I bet the big butterwhale took the job thinking it was something else.
You suck, Fatty!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
[Hat-tip: Liberadio, via Paul Kohler]
Deep breath... Nicolas Cage has been forced by "the difficult economic situation" to sell his castle in Germany.
So the next time you feel like complaining about your job search, or how far away the nearest Coinstar machine is, or that you can't sell plasma more than once a week, just remember this tragic story.
Oh wait... turns out he has another castle in England. I guess he'll muddle through somehow. Keep him in your prayers.
And finally, here's a clip of this walking encyclopedia of bullshit affectations, selling pachinko machines in Japan. It is actually his best work in years.
P.S. To all of you people who think you do a great Nicolas Cage imitation - especially if you work in my office: You don't. So quit it.
I don't watch American Idol very often, but isn't being gay, like, a requirement on that show?
[Thank you Mr. Towle!]
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Palin is the husband of Gov. Sarah Palin. He declined comment.
Diana Palin, 35, entered a home near Wasilla’s Multi-Use Sports Complex and attempted to steal cash from the owner’s bedroom, police said.
She also broke into the same house on Tuesday and stole $400, they said.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
As I understand it, American Presidents (and/or Americans) are not supposed to "bow" to other foreign leaders. But this is the same guy who's* protocol officer seems to be out-to-lunch when it comes to deciding what kind of gifts to give to other leaders such as Gordon Brown or Queen Elizabeth...or didn't know that it's bad form to touch the Queen unless she initiates contact.
What a bunch of amatuers.