Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
"It has been suggested that RNC chairman Michael Steele is a transvestite prostitute. Does this possibly concern you?"
It has further been suggested that
- Sarah Palin eats paste and smells like urine
- Bill O'Reilly was born without genitalia
- "Goatse" is Glenn Beck
Thursday, August 27, 2009
His solution? Hate speech: Sapp sent his daughters, aged 15 and 10, to school wearing t-shirts that read, "Islam is of the devil." The Sapp clan pray together at the Dove World Outreach Center, a ramshackle compound of trailers and Quonset huts on the edge of a malarial swamp outside Gainesville. Terry Jones, Dove's chief snake handler, says spreading the church's message is "even more important than education itself."
Which is why, were I a betting man, I'd lay even money that we'll see the elder Sapp daughter on a pole at a truck stop within two years of this day.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
But Andrew Brietbart? He ain't having any of that shit. In a series of artfully worded Twitter messages, he described the dead Kennedy as a "duplicitous bastard" and "a prick."
"I'm more than willing to go off decorum to ensure THIS MAN is not beatified,” Breitbart wrote. “Sorry, he destroyed lives. And he knew it." [Politico]
It's a transparent cry for attention. This booze-bloated shitsack is pulling crap that's beneath even Rush Limbaugh. Fuck this fat asshole and anybody who works for him.
NB: Yes, I know, by writing about this, I'm giving Breitbart the attention he craves. But it's okay. Nobody reads this blog. Ha! I win, you fat bitch!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Outpost contributor planstoprosper is a promising new talent, offering "Four Labels the Left Will Give You." In a radical departure from CO house style, p2p uses proper grammar and punctuation. Well, for the most part: He does that quotation-marks-for-emphasis thing that drives the recovering copy editor in me up the fucking wall. But I'll spot him: I'm still swooning over the Chicago Style Manual headline capitalization. (Yeah, I know, I don't use that here. Blow me.)
After bam-bam-bamming through three standard-issue charges against conservatives - that they're racist, fascist and sexist - with, if not hermetic tautologies, at least a degree of finesse, P-squared fumbles the landing: "I am not homophobic," he grunts, "as if opposing a thing somehow requires that you are irrationally afraid of that thing."
LOLWUT? "Opposing homosexuality?" Last time I checked, that was like opposing dark skin or left-handedness. "I am not afraid to take a principled stand on a contentious current issue," planstoprosper concludes. "I do oppose homosexuality, but that does not make me homophobic."
And I oppose dipshittery, but that does not make me dipshitophobic.
Monday, August 24, 2009
But now he has bowed to pressure from the liberal truth-based media, and withdrawn his remarks.
Good luck sewing that thing back on, Congressman.
Meekins lurches from item to item, pausing only to hock up some staggeringly stupid literary loogie: The Scots are "men who wear dresses," and western Europe "totters on the edge of the garbage can of history." Short schoolkids are "actually the snottiest brats in the class," but "since chubbier students don't fit in with the plans of New World Order types such as environmentalists [wtf? -Ed.], I guess we got what we deserved."
Not sold yet? Check this out: Noting that a 22-year-old woman has accused magician David Copperfield of rape when she visited him on his private island, Meekins asks, "what else did she think was going to happen?" This guy is a national treasure.
And finally, Meekins closes with a zinger about recent House legislation to extend health insurance benefits to the same-sex partners of federal employees: "The financial hole Americans will not be able to get out of for generations is about to get even deeper thanks to efforts to fawn all over those messing around in holes where they really don’t belong." Haw! Seewhathedidthere?
UPDATE: Oh happy day! Smart Girl Politics now hosts audio of Fred reading his "Headline Pot Pourri" news roundups. You have got to hear this goofy rube. He sounds like Jamie Gumm on a cough syrup bender.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
"Public option?" That's when the government provides an alternative to private health insurance.
"Insurance marketplace/exchange?" That's when private companies contribute a specific amount to their employees' health insurance premiums. The employees can then shop among a menu of plans offered by participating insurers.
I knew all this off the top of my head, and I'm an idiot. But Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan, whose job it kinda sorta is to know this shit, says "no one understands what this stuff means, nobody normal."
What has this boozy sadsack contributed to the conversation about health insurance reform but meaningless twaddle? And, not to raise the specter of death panels, but could somebody please compassionately euthanize the Journal? It's depressing to see what a doltish partisan rag that once-great paper has become.
[PS - I stole that pic from the excellent Mike Ink]
Friday, August 21, 2009
Say hello to Steven Silvestro. He is the 2009 Pokemon Masters World Champion.
I propose that anybody who orders this be banned from ever receiving any kind of publicly funded health care. Seriously, fuck you if you want this.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I don't know about you, but I am thoroughly enjoying today's spat involving some dumpy bitch who blogs for Clown Hall having beef with Wonkette on account of her recent post on v00d00-in-the-NO!bama-White's-Only-House!!!11!!.
*Kristen Atkinson's senior class portrait.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How does she do it, folks?
Monday, August 17, 2009
No charge, buddy. Good luck out there!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Remember when he blew off the wedding of the gay friends who let him crash at their place? Guess he was worried about his "family values" image in the run-up to 2012. Yeah, like he's even close to a nomination after this lunacy. Too bad, Rudy - you might as well have enjoyed what, stereotypically speaking, must have been a fabulous party!
See you around, asshole.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A man who was holding a sign reading "Death to Obama" Wednesday outside a town hall meeting on health care reform in Hagerstown, Md., has been turned over to the Secret Service.
Washington County Sheriff's Capt. Peter Lazich said the sign also read, "Death to Michelle and her two stupid kids."
And not for nothing, but why can't these wackos ever manage to make a decent sign? That fucking thing is unreadable.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Lawrence O'Donnell is an oily son of a bitch, but he's our oily son of a bitch. When will MSNBC give this guy his own show?
- 23) John Stossel 4
- 23) Mitt Romney 4
- 23) Daniel Hannan 4
- 23) John Bolton 4
- 16) Fred Thompson 5
- 16) Antonin Scalia 5
- 16) Glenn Reynolds 5
- 16) Bobby Jindal 5
- 16) George W. Bush 5
- 16) Sean Hannity 5
- 16) Tom Coburn 5
- 14) Victor Davis Hanson 6
- 14) Dick Cheney 6
- 12) Ed Morrissey 7
- 12) Ann Coulter 7
- 10) Jonah Goldberg 8
- 10) Newt Gingrich 8
- 9) Jim DeMint 9
- 7) Mark Levin 10
- 7) Glenn Beck 10
- 6) Charles Krauthammer 11
- 5) Mark Steyn 14
- 4) Michelle Malkin 15
- 3) Thomas Sowell 17
- 2) Sarah Palin 20
- 1) Rush Limbaugh 24
(click to embiggen)
Yeah, so... loyal opposition? Free exchange of ideas? Collegial bipartisan effort for the good of the nation? Fuck that! There's a damn nigra in the White House!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I left a comment, asking Ralphie-boy how Jack's faring in the Stony Lonesome. My comment is "currently awaiting moderation." I guess I should make myself comfortable.
UPDATE: Ha! The Faith and Freedom Coalition site just broomed all comments for this post. That's fair, I guess. Cowardly, but fair.
"The Senate Republicans not only demand that abortions not be paid for with public funds (something already forbidden by the Hyde Amendment), they want to prevent private insurance plans from paying for them, too."
So when President Obama asks GM's drunk dipshit CEO to step aside during restructuring and a public bailout, that's corporate usurpation. But when some weasely GOP cocksucker in the Senate forces his own fundie jug-band brand of Christian morality on private businesses, it's just the legislative process at work.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
To say that this is arrant bullshit is an understatement on the order of suggesting that Drew might benefit from more fresh fruit and the occasional brisk walk. And so, in the interest of civil debate, I attempted to post a comment asking the hideous, truth-twisting eatbeast just what the fuck he had between his ears in lieu of gray matter. But oh, darn:
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Jacques Chirac says George W. Bush told him that they had to invade Iraq because “Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.”
That's it. We can't ever go to France again. It'd just be too embarrassing.