Are you happy now, Stephanie Meyer?

Not only did you fuck up horror fiction for everybody, and subject us to the nauseating spectacle of Twilight moms, and helped screw gay people out of civil marriage equality by tithing 10% of your income to your crazy space church, now you're putting dogs in danger:

Texas police are investigating [a professed] "werewolf" after she admitted to decapitating the head of a dog, then boiling it and mounting it on her bedroom wall.

Nice going, you daffy bitch. These are the people who read your shitty books.

PS: re Twilight moms. Da fuck? If middle-aged men pulled this kind of crap over 17-year-old girls, fundies would be burning Barnes and Noble stores to the ground.

It's almost morning in America again!

Were you as bummed as I that Republicans didn't scream or hold handmade signs or fling poopies during Obama's SOTU the other night? What happened to showmanship?


Time's Michael Scherer (above) says it's because REPUBLICANS ARE TOTALLY WINNING AND EVERYBODY LOVES THEM AGAIN! "Eschewing paper signs or rude interruptions, they seemed content to pass the time with a sort of cool confidence that accompanies a sense of ascendancy," the silly choadsmoker writes.

Har!

I've got two words for you, History Channel

FUCK. YOU.

(The Hollywood Reporter):
History Orders Larry the Cable Guy Series


I think I'd rather light my dick on fire and put it out with a spork than watch a second of this twatwaffle's painfully unfunny fake blue collar schtick. He is to comedy what Aileen Wuoronos was to the roadside squeezer.

Go to hell, History Channel. Go right. The fuck. To hell.

Dept. of Oh Kiss My Dick

I like public relations people. The good ones will make careful note of a given journalist's beat, and pitch accordingly. The best ones will take journalists out to dinner or on nice trips.

And then there are hack assholes like Special Guests, who spam you with offensively stupid "experts" who love to talk about scary things like homosexuality, a dreadful act that terrifies them so much they can only do it in public toilets while out of their skulls on crystal meth.

This is really no way to get ahead in a business controlled by Jews, and gays, and gay Jews.

From: "Special Guests, Inc."
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:13:34 UT
Subject: Gay solders 5x more likely to rape"/ "Do Ask!" --Dept. of Defense/ interview avails

"Special Guests for Special Talk Shows Like Yours!"

GAY SOLDIERS 5X MORE APT TO RAPE:
Lesbians 15x More Likely to Sexually Assault (Dr. Cameron in MT)
Colorado Springs: Department of Defense figures indicate a gay was over 5 times more apt to rape a fellow serviceman than a serviceman was to rape a servicewoman! Gays‚ extreme aggressiveness stood out in an analysis of the last two years of DoD statistics. DoD reports logged 3,850 sexual assaults processed in FY2007- FY2008. Even under "Don't Ask Don't Tell," a gay soldier was the most apt to commit sexual assault. Similarly, a lesbian servicewoman was 10 to 20 times more apt to sexually assault another servicewoman than a servicewoman was to assault a serviceman. These figures held whether or not Family Research Institute or UCLA Williams Institute estimates of gays in the military were employed.
Click here, or call 630-848-0750 to schedule an interview with PAUL CAMERON .

OBAMA TO END DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL:
Giving Homosexuals Free Reign in the Military
Barack Obama promised to end the current "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. Military, during his State of the Union address January 27, 2010. Dr. Paul Cameron of the Family Research Institute, a Colorado-based think tank, calls the move despicable, accusing Obama of caring more about protecting sodomy than soldiers. Dr. Cameron is available with a rebuttal on Obama's speech, with particular focus on the issue of the danger of allowing homosexuals in the military due to disproportionate number of homosexual rape in the military.

ABOUT DR. PAUL CAMERON
Call 630-848-0750 to schedule an interview with PAUL CAMERON .

Special Guests, Inc. P. O. Box 1927 Wendell, NC 27591

The charge of the Stupid Brigade

Hey so remember that newly unemployed part-time ESPN blogger who used to stink up basketball courts? Well what's awesome is that now he's a First Amendment martyr just like Sarah Palin!

"What happened to free speech?" wonders an idiot at momsword, a.k.a. the best place for gossip! "People not allowed to express how they feel anymore?"

Of course they are, idiot. But see, ESPN is an entity known as "not the government."



PS: Who gets gossip from moms? That's a gay's job.

You sports fans may remember Paul Shirley as a barely adequate basketball player

But did you know that he's also a prick?

(NY Daily News)

"I haven't donated to the Haitian relief effort for the same reason that I don't give money to homeless men on the street... Shouldn't much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"

In all fairness, Shirley should know a thing or two about disasters. HEYO!

And this, children, is what we call a goddamn filthy lie

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Bullshittia) on CNN's State of the Union:

I don't know one Republican who does not want health care reform. I don't know one Republican who would not try to work together with the Democrats. We weren't involved in this process. We weren't even asked. It was an arrogance of power.

Jonah Goldberg likes this commercial

I think I'm ready to offer my diagnosis.

Tea Party Pickup Lines

Twitter is all a-, well, twitter with this topic. Here's a fave:

Dig this cat's feed.


[Thanks, Kathy!]

This one goes out to the ladies

Big Thinking from women in the news:

Cokie Roberts
Tough-as-nails newsgal

You know the worst thing about the flying Christmas panty bomber? Barack Obama has no balls!
"[I]t's always politically difficult for Democrats when they are dealing with an issue like terrorism. It remained the Republican's only winning issue through most of President Bush's second term, and it's a particular problem for a Democrat who hasn't served in the military."

Psst, Cokie: W was a no-show National Guard alkie during the Vietnam war, and Cheney got five *cough cough* PUSSY *cough cough* deferments. Oh, but they weren't Democrats. I see.

Sarah Palin
Grifting dipshit

You know the scariest thing about our Kenyan socialist Nazi President? He's a fruity egghead!
"The real nature of the terrorist threat requires a commander-in-chief, not a constitutional law professor."

Just double-checking the 2008 election results... Yup! You still lost. Shut it, Funbags.

Kathryn Jean Lopez
Ham with feet

When she's not two-fisting Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burgers down her craw, this chaste maiden of reactionary blather displays an idiot-savant facility for haiku:

More than mapping out the right spot
to hit when shooting-up.
Congress has made sure taxpayer funds can provide the tools.
Also in the name of harm-reduction.

Pay up, Oprah

All right, Fatty. You went to the inaugural. You got a White House holiday special. You've probably scarfed down some multiple of your weight in organic ratatouille from the First Veggie Patch. Now sing for your supper.

You need to speak out in favor of a public health insurance option. In case you can't see from way up there where you sit, people are dying and going broke every day for lack of affordable care. Fuck your shitty gimmicks and lousy book recommendations. If you don't put it on the line and speak out on this issue, you're just a filthy, tubby grifter.

Erick, Son of Erick, known to all as the Point Misser

"George Bush never tried to disown 9/11 or Richard Reid," growls fart-sniffing lush Erick Erickson. "He never tried to say, 'hey, it was Clinton’s problem.'" No, of course not - he had people for that sort of thing.

So, cool! Erick's got the lying idiot thing covered. This leaves his readers to supply the crazy. "Obama will is [sic] and always will be a sympathizer to Islam and the jihad," chirps RedStater SusanAnne Hiller. Badkarma6 accuses POTUS of "narcassism," while NedReck opines that "George W. Bush was the greatest and most prolific miracle-worker that has ever walked this Earth."

And then there's this, which I can't even figure out. What is that supposed to be? I guess I should be grateful that they didn't draw a bone in the guy's nose, but at least you can usually figure out what racists are talking about. This, I got no clue. Anybody?

Nazi-Communist First Lady for Life Michelle Obama conscripts chefs to cook a gourmet meal from her garden

It's right in front of you! Wake up, sheeple!
In other news, who knew she was a Fins fan?

This week in drunks

A barely coherent Brit Hume advises Tiger Woods on spiritual matters: