Saturday, February 20, 2010

Don't Be an Assoli, You Wank

My favorite "somewhat unfortunate" names at the Olympics thus far:

1. Assoli Slivets (Belarus)

2. Andreas Wank (Germany)

(And, yes, I am 12 years old.)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

What a party!

I haven't gone to the Conservative Outpost well in a while. From the tortured prose, to the wacky logic, to the plain old shitty grammar and spelling, it's just too easy a target. It's for lazy people. And then I realized, hell, I'm lazy. So. Hi!

In his post-Tea Party Convention wrap-up, CO's Skip MacLure fumes about "Democrats/liberals/progressives/greens/socialists/communists." (Calling them what they are makes them mad, he giggles mischievously.) Doh! The lil scamp really hits 'em where it hurts!

But misapplied labels aside, the latte-sippers just up and missed the point! of the whole hootenanny. "What they missed in their eagerness to trash people like Sarah Palin, Tom Tancredo, Andrew Breitbart and others, was the UNANIMITY of purpose and the consistency of the message."

Okay, fair enough. For the record, then, not only did the Tea Party Convention open with a racist call to reinstate the Jim Crow practice of literacy tests to determine voter eligibility, but every cud-chewing mouth-breather in attendance thundered approval at the idea. In other words, the Tea Party movement is not merely led by hate-mongering horrible fucks, its rank and file membership is just just a few pointy hoods short of an actual Klan rally.

Sorry, Skip! Glad I could help set the record straight.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

With a Corncob Pipe and a Button Nose, and Two Eyes Made out of Choads

OH, LOOK! Grandpappy Inhofe's kin built themselves a fantabulous little igloo made of the finest dog-piss flavored snow at Third and Independence as some kind of epic diss against Al Gore or whatevs.

As a commenter #18 points out, however, "If only they had graduated to the fourth grade and learned that weather is not the same as climate."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Shorts story

Hey, look! Crispydick the Undies Bomber is cooperating with authorities and providing actionable intelligence about al Qaeda in Yemen. And nobody had to fuck a dog into him or anything.

Dick Cheney was angrily straining at a dry, hard stool in an undisclosed dumper and could not be reached for comment.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Hey, sorry, I'm really busy this week writing shit that pays the bills

I probably won't be posting much. But here, via Firedoglake, is a This Week clip that had me popping like 25 boners a minute. Enjoy!