Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Peekaboo

Don't listen to him - there's no candy behind that magic bush.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

TiVo alert!

Hey, so LL Cool J will be the first guest on Sarah Palin's Fox News Channel show, White Trash on Ice Real American Stories

.
This will not be Mrs. Palin's first time talking to a black musician:


“I don’t mean any harm,” Royal says Sarah told him, which is exactly what she meant but he recalls her saying that she doesn’t do black guys.

“I said ‘I’m Black,’” Royal relates, to which Sarah replied with, “Well, you aren’t really black. You’re like …”

Royal remembers her voice trailed off as if not knowing what to say next as the reality of the situation sunk in on her. “Then she got real confused and the conversation ended rather quickly and uncomfortably.”

Then again, LL hasn't technically been black since 1986. I'm sure everything will be fine.

UPDATE: Turns out the interview was lifted from an old sit-down LL did a couple years ago. He pointed this out via Twitter, and now Fox has cut the segment and issued a cunty release about LL's "fledgling acting career." You betcha.

Yeah, not so much

Hey, so I found Hutaree babe Tina Kelley on Facebook, thanks to Wonkette.
This wall post makes me question the accuracy of that "Daily Luck" widget:

Ew.

HuffPo:

Monday, March 29, 2010

Coincidence? READ THE BOOK!!!!!

So remember that time Michele Bachmann said Barack Obama may have anti-American views? But then she decided that she really didn't say that? Well hold up y'all, 'cause it turns out she totally did!
“I said I had very serious concerns that Barack Obama had anti-American views,” she said. “And now I look like Nostradamus.”


From a recently discovered quatrain:

From forth the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes
A maiden will emerge
Wide of eye, and empty of mind
She will talk incessantly
And her voice shall be as unto the sound of the alarm
On one of those shit little compacts:
Shrill, yea, and like to make you want to claw your fucking face off

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

And in today's music news...


You'll never believe this! Charlie Daniels says that health care reform will turn America into a police state. Yup. The senile racist fuck who wrote "The South's Gonna Do It Again" doesn't like the Kenyan Devil Muslim or his commie shenanigans:
"And think about this people, if the Democrats can pass health care, what else are they willing to push down our throats?"

Yeah! Fucking assholes! Where do they get off applying modest regulations to an industry that makes Wall Street look like the Little Sisters of the Poor? So what are you going to shove down our throat next, Black Man? Huh? Huh? RAPE!

And if the Daniels essay itself doesn't supply your USRDA of crazy, sample the comments!

[UPDATE: Whoops! Sorry - credit where it's due!]

Monday, March 22, 2010

Good people won, shitty people lost, and somebody needs some dick

So I was going to post this clip in which Bill Kristol says health care reform will be dismantled by 2013, and how that's great news since Bill Kristol is always wrong about everything and so basically HEALTH CARE FOREVER PERIOD AMEN.

But then I saw this comment from YouTuber FineAssFemale382 and I thought, "Oh, well this is obviously the real story" and so you're welcome.

(click to embiggen)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Beck & King Hate Dem Bad Ol' Heathen Pols!


On his radio show, cry-on-cue Angel Moroni-hugger Glenn “I love my country and I fear for it” Beck (A-hole/FOX) and his guest Steve “not the good Stephen King” King (R-Iowa) had a competitive Holier Than Thou-Off, the “thou” in question being those rascally pols voting on the Health Care Bill this coming Sunday. Why? Because Sunday is God’s day and if you vote on that day, Waaaaah! God is vewwy, vewwy sad.

“They intend to vote on the Sabbath, during Lent, to take away the liberty that we have right from God,” King said. Beck threw in: “Faith has been perverted… Here is a group of people that have so perverted our faith and our hope and our charity, that is a -- this is an affront to God.” And the kicker: “I think it's absolutely appropriate that these people are trying to put the nail in the coffin on our country on a Sunday -- something our founders would have never, ever, ever done. Out of respect for God.”

Aaaargh! Stop invoking our Founding Fathers, you sanctimonious pricks! Glenn, Steve: the FFs weren’t pea-brained dipshits like you. They were Enlightenment big-T Thinkers. That’s why those freaks in Texas are drumming Thomas Jefferson out of the history books. Secular humanism and deism don’t jibe with the pap they wanna peddle to our nation’s ever dumber kids. Stop trying to own them. Glenn, please, please, please go back to being a coke-snortin’ morning zoo asshole. And Steve, just fuck off.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This is it! The big time!

Okay! So first, here's a little impression I've been workshopping: It's the sound of Wired magazine eating out Andrew Breitbart's big droopy asshole: "Nyorg nyorg nyorg nyorg nyorg sssshhhluuuurrrrp!" Thank you!

And now, here's Slate's antidote to the Wired piece: Andrew Breitbart is Messing With You. And in it, well, look! It's me! I'm such an irrepressible jackanapes. But I'm so adorable, ya just can't stay mad at me!

I think Goober is making a poop joke

If you eat the health care reform bill, says Rep. Louie "What Bill? Hurr durr durr" Gohmert (R-Who Cares?), then you can pass it. Geddit? Doodie! Lulz!

And hey, free advice for dumb guys with hick accents: Shouting makes you sound less smart, not more.

Monday, March 8, 2010

OMG! NO WAI!

The family-values Republican politician who got popped for DUI on his way home from a gay bar is - are you sitting down? - TEH GHEY!
Ashburn, a 55-year-old divorced father of four, claimed his 15-year crusade against proposed gay-rights laws in the California statehouse stemmed from his desire to vote the way his constituents wanted.
Or, in layman's terms, Ashburn is a toilethomo.

[Thanks, Hoffkins!]

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Quick update

Hi! Sorry for the scattershot posting lately - I've been kinda busy at work. But here's a shocker - another anti-gay Republican politician has turned out to be a toilethomo.



Thanks to all of you who sent in this link!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

In the mood for a fun day trip?

The Baseball Hall of Fame is located in charming, historic Cooperstown, NY. Visit the Blue Mingo Grill for local favorites like coconut shrimp with sweet chili sauce and lime-ginger Napa cabbage salad.

Then, after a digestive stroll along nearby Lake Otsego, head to the HOF and take a fucking pickaxe to this plaque.