Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This fella's gonna need a lozenge

Friday, April 23, 2010

Panel debasement

News? You can get that anywhere. But for news with a side order of asshole, discerning readers turn immediately to the regulars at Andrew Beerfart's blogateria. Let's say Archie comics is introducing a new character. One with a case of teh ghey:

I don't care for gays and I don't want to hear about them and would prefer that they all just go away....Like to another country or at the very least, back in the closet....Just like it is their coice to chose that disgusting lifestyle, it's my right to call it what it is [Miles7]

Is there a future issue when the new guy contracts HIV and is refused medical treatment by the Socialist Obamacare System and is moved to the Death Panel wait list? [AntiSocialista]

It is EVERYWHERE..they will leave no stone unturned..these progressives are gay and green and gross.. [bitterweed]

A person with traditional values is like a Jew living in a Nazi country. [Ronald54321]
And my personal favorite:

Barney Frank will be holding a reading of the issue in his apartment. Barney'll be wearing jughead's crown and a pair of argyle socks.

Leather chaps are required for all other attendees. [Hambonnet]

Yes, I won 3rd place

No, I don't want to talk about it.

[Image cold stolen from Copyranter, because it's too nice out to actually write anything today.]

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Kelsey Grammer for the RightNetwork

Balding alkie failure Kelsey Grammer has a new cable venture in the offing, RightNetwork. You may have seen the YouTube clip in which the spokesdrunk enumerates things that "just aren't Right:" Big government, more taxes and... left-handed scissors among them. No, I don't know what the fuck he's talking about either. Hey Kelsey! How about getting wasted and flipping your Viper because you're a wreck with no career left? Is that wrong or Right?

Anyway. Here's a better video of Kelsey. Enjoy. And happy 4/20!

[Grateful hat-tip to Our Friend Eric]

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Obama's nuculer summit is a Muslin teriost front for the Bilderberg Group!!!1!!

Brian Kilmeade of Fox 'n' Friends sees something very suspicious in the Nuclear Security Summit logo:

"When I first saw this logo I wasn't really thinking this, but upon further review maybe I should have been. When you look at the Nuclear Security Summit logo, what does that have in common with all those other flags there, representing Muslim nations?"
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Gee, the NSS logo just looks like a hydrogen atom to me," but then BAM! SHUT UP TERRORIST! SCIENCE IS FOR FAGGOTS!

And oh man, the shit is really gonna hit the fan when these geniuses notice what's going on with the South Carolina state flag:

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Whoa, WHOA!

New York Times:
A Catholic priest who has been criminally charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl in Minnesota six years ago...
A 14-year-old girl? Stick to the script, buddy.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Everything old is... well, actually, it still sucks

The disastrously wrong Alan Greenspan has emerged from his hyperbaric fart chamber with Dire Pronouncements about Deficits and How They Matter Again. This health care bill and its costs have given him Troubling Ruminations. "What happens if we are wrong?" he croaked rhetorically at a visibly terrified Jake Tapper on ABC's This Week.

The former Federal Reserve chairman, disfigured and driven mad decades ago while spelunking in Ayn Rand's acrid crannies, is a prophet new inspired by this Kenyan Interloper and his dangerous Schemes.

"What happens if we are wrong?" The real question is why ABC would give this senile, short-sighted gasbag any kind of a platform.

And another thing, Alan: What's this "we" shit? You don't work for the CBO. You don't work, period. You can barely wipe your own ass. Shut up and let other people clean up after you, okay? It's time to reference another playbook besides your favorite leaden Objectivist fanfic.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

You think they're angry now?

Wait until they check on their Nigerian investment portfolio!

Hutaree Christian militia member Tina Stone (right - sorry, fellas! This one's taken!) was driven to murderous rage in part because of an email rumor that Barack Obama was spending $20 billion to relocate Hamas refugees to the United States.

Of course I would never suggest that all conservatives are paranoid idiots. I'm just saying that if you're a paranoid idiot, you're probably a conservative.