The funniest thing I've seen all day

My freind Ky just noticed this hilarious blurb at Fox Nation:

Ideological purity lulz

"I love our side and there’s really no lower form of life than someone on our side who undermines their own... "

-- John Nolte, Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood

Why am I wasting my time thinking for myself, when I could just become a conservative?

What the hell is this dimwit even talking about?

Palin can't even utter a coherent sentence in something as obviously rehearsed as this "interview" with her strokey-faced media enabler:



She's like a monkey playing with word blocks.

And another thing - I have talented friends who can't find work right now, and Palin's tubby bubblehead daughter gets a gig handed to her just because she couldn't keep her legs closed? Fuck everything.

Paul Broun knows

We haven't heard much from this dumb hillbilly for a while, but he's back!

"The Republican Party is the party of K-N-O-W. We know how to lower the cost of health care. We know how to take care of the uninsurable. We know how to put patients in charge of their health care and have a market-based, patient centered health care system that’s not going to kill jobs like ObamaCare is going to do. And we know how to stimulate the economy. We know how to create jobs in the private sector.We know how to prevent this huge government take over of health care as well as all of society."

Yeah... Broun knows that like John McCain knows how to catch Osama bin Laden.

For he is known to all as Son of Erick, Misser of Points

So you remember last night, when BO declared that the current need for public investment in research, infrastructure and education was our "Sputnik moment?" What would, say, a grade-school English teacher have called that? A metaphor? Sounds good.

But Erick, Son of Erick, Whose State is Red, he ain't having any. Obama "proceeded to ignore NASA in his speech while defunding the space program," he blargs. Huh? He cut NASA's budget while simultaneously delivering the State of the Union?

But crappy prose aside, Erickson just can't or won't get it. Sputnik spurred government investment in industries that yield benefits to this day. And not for nothing, but I'm surprised to see NASA defended by a blog where science is generally regarded as faggy.

Silver linings dept.

Yes, Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley said that those who had not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior were "not his brother" and "not his sister." And sure, plenty of non-fundies were pretty honked off about that.

But look on the bright side! If you're a non-Christian living in Alabama, this means that Bentley won't try to fuck you.

THANK YOU!

Sarah Palin manufactured a blood libel, you betcha!

The U.S. State Department concludes that Wikileaks caused "little real and lasting damage to American diplomacy."

Sarah Palin said early on that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was "an anti-American operative with blood on his hands."

That is her own (incorrect) definition of blood libel.

We confidently await Mrs. Palin's public refudiation of her earlier intemperate remarks. As confidently as we await airborne anal monkeys.

So much for civil discourse, huh, you fat fuck?

"Barack Obama: Never has such arrogance been combined with such utter incompetence and weakness in the White House. The result? We have the single worst President in American history and his first term's not even over yet."

-- John Hawkins, writing at the intellectual Superfund site, Townhall

Conservatives have taught me so much this week!

Thanks to Sarah Palin, I learned that calling out a public figure for irresponsibly using violent images and rhetoric is a blood libel. And then the Washington Times told me that any criticism of Sarah Palin amounts to a pogrom.

And now World Net Daily, your premiere resource for Chuck Norris prostate health tips, informs us that Barack Obama's speech at the Arizona memorial was his Reichstag moment.

OMG U GUIZE! Sarah Palin is Anne Frank and Obama is Hitler! And Ronald Reagan is a robot St. Bernard with a superpenis that shoots liquid fire and he's the only one who can save us from MUSLIN TERIOSTS! WOLVERINES!!!1!!!

What do you call it when people criticize Sarah Palin for her use of the term "blood libel?"

According to the Washington Times, it's "simply the latest round in an ongoing pogrom against conservative thinkers."

A POGROM!

NO REALLY! THEY SAID THAT! Here, I even screen-capped it once I stopped throwing up:

The fucking stones on these people.

Also: Sarah Palin is a "thinker?" Lulz.

I may never stop throwing up

Blood libel, brain death

King, dumb

Fat racist alcoholic Rep. Peter King (R - Lawn Guyland) "wants to make it illegal for someone to knowingly carry a gun within 1,000 feet of certain high-ranking federal officials, including members of Congress."

Problem solved! Now all you egghead faggots can calm down, and King can return to the important business of harassing and humiliating Muslims.

And never mind King's own support for terrorists! What do you mean how does King explain his involvement with the Irish Republican Army? Fuck you, that's how he explains it!

A noun, a verb, and ROFLMAO

NYPost:

Confident that he'd have a chance to win, Rudy Giuliani is rounding up his top political advisers for a possible 2012 presidential run, sources tell Page Six

Sir Charles takes on Miss Tucker

[Lifted lazily from Crooks & Liars]

Ewwwwwwwww!

"Boehner is... constantly taking the temperature of his members... "

-- Major Garrett, the Atlantic

Darrell Issa explains it all

Vaginaciously walking back his earlier remarks that Barack Obama is "one of the most corrupt presidents in modern times," Rep. Darrell Issa (R - 1313 Mockingbird Lane) sent CNN's John King to the dictionary:



See? He didn't mean to imply that the president was a criminal. He's just like one of those, what do you call 'em, floppies. With a "glitch."

The congressman later explained to an aggrieved gay constituent, "What? A faggot is a bundle of sticks. You can't get me in trouble for calling you a bundle of sticks."

Darrell Issa means what he says, until he doesn't

Remember back before the midterms, when Darrell Issa (pictured here with his lovely family) was all, "Obama's the most corrupt president in modern times" on the Fatty Pill-Popper's Hate Speech and Sex Tourism Cavalcade of Horseshit? Good times.

But then on State of the Union the other day, the incoming chair of the House Oversight Committee was, like, yeah, but...

"What I meant to say -- you know, on live radio, with Rush going back and forth -- and by the way that was because Rush had me on to answer the question of -- about coming together, having compromise. He didn't like the compromise word... What I meant to say there, when you hand out $1 trillion in TARP just before this president came in, most of it unspent, $1 trillion nearly in stimulus that this president asked for, plus this huge expansion in health care and government, it has a corrupting effect."

Regular host Candy Crowley was away on a swimsuit calendar shoot, so it fell to Ed Henry to ask Issa - paraphrasing here - "WTF TARP, bitch? That was on Bush's watch." And then Issa jumped up and down and shouted, "Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn!" And the whole house shook, and plaster fell from the ceiling, and they cut to a commercial.

Citation needed

"In the 1970s, paedophilia was theorised as something fully in conformity with man and even with children."

Pope Benedict XVI, in a Christmas address to cardinals and bishops.

Please provide backup for this assertion, Your Holiness.