Monday, April 25, 2011

Inside Allen West (lolyuck!)

Rep. Allen West (R-Way the Fuck Out There) spoke to a Christian women's group recently. And he dropped some revealing shit:
West first weaved the ancient society of Sparta — a culture that practiced eugenicsand inspired Adolf Hitler — into an example of the role of women. “What made the Spartan men strong, it was the Spartan women,” he said. “Because the Spartan women at the age of nine gave up their male sons” to train for the army.
So this man finds virtue in a culture where young boys were separated from their families to go live in an aggressive, all-male environment. Oh, and it goes without saying that he sees gay people as a threat.

There's a word for guys like that, isn't there? I can't think of it right now. Eh, it'll come to me.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Bronze ambition

Look, far be it from me to spread any unkind rumors, but I think Donald Trump might use some sort of artificial bronzer.

Miss Boehner had better keep a sharp eye on her touch-up kit when La Donald is in town.

Adventures in cross-posting

Tengrain at the excellent Mock, Paper, Scissors is hosting a contest to name Michele Bachmann's book, which is "in the early talking stages." I went for extra credit and designed a cover, but herp derp I couldn't figure out how to post the image in the comments. So, here!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Kourtesy Korner!

I'm a big fan of this "new civility." It's a worthwhile effort - and so easy to put into practice!

Like, I hear Rep. Darrell Issa (pictured) telling Don Imus that Donald Trump "may or may not be right" about President Obama's birth certificate and I think, wow, what a pandering racist shitbag. What a lying, weasely, morally bankrupt polyp in the colon of the body politic.

But he's a member of Congress. So I'm going to treat the perfidious cuntface with all the courtesy his office deserves.

Remember - you can catch more flies with honey!


In the CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll released Tuesday, roughly one in four Americans said they sympathize more with the Confederacy than the Union, a figure that rises to nearly four in ten among white Southerners.

Look: The fucking Civil Fucking War was fucking fought over fucking slavery.
Fuck you in your fucking hillbilly ear if you fucking pretend fucking otherwise.

Shorter Michael Medved, Twathall

I totally stole this "Shorter" trope from Sadly, No!, who stole it from some other cats. I, too, am aware of all Internet traditions.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Rand Paul's Book Nook!

Objectivist heartthrob Sen. Rand Paul (R-Individuality) has finally gone and done it. Addressing the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee, he struck a courageous blow for freedom and... incandescent bulbs. By quoting his super-awesome bug-eyed, oversexed, chain-smoking midget know-it-all namesake:

Ayn Rand wrote a novel, Anthem, back in the 50's. And it's a dystopian novel. In that novel, individual choice is banned, and the collective basically runs society. There's a young man, and his name is Equality-72521. He's an intelligent young man, but he is banned from achieving, or reaching any sort of occupation that might challenge him. He's a street sweeper.

Over time, he discovers a subway, and he rediscovers the incandescent light bulb. And he thinks, naively, that electricity and the brilliance of light would be an advantage for society, and that it would bring great new things as far as being able to see at night, and to read, and the advancement of civilization.

Well, he takes it before the collective of elders, and they take the light bulb, and basically it's crushed beneath the boot heel of the collective. The collective has no place, basically, for individual choice.

Talking Points Memo suggests that the self-certified ophthalmologist might have missed the point:
In that book, of course, the protagonist was attempting through his individual experimentation and achievements to advance his society past a more primitive technology, the candle. In this case, however, regulations are being used in order to move society forward to the next generation of technology, after the incandescent bulb, on the grounds that it would save energy.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Let's send Terry Jones to Afghanistan!

Fundamentalist halfwit Terry Jones (below), whose burning of a Koran instigated the recent murder of U.N. workers by a mob of other fundamentalist halfwits, says his conscience is clear:
"To the peaceful Muslim that lives down the street, we are sorry if our actions have offended them, which I am sure it has. But at the same we are not trying to attack them," he said. "We are trying to make it very clear that we are against this radical element," he added.
Okay, subject-verb agreement problems in the first sentence aside (you swamp-stupid hillbilly) ... WHAT? You're acting against religious radicals, so you deliberately choose radical actions yourself?

Tell you what, Terry. I'll pay your airfare to Afghanistan - what the hell, I'll even sport you to first class - and provide you with a lighter, some fluid, and a copy of the Koran. You try this adorable stunt of yours in front of some Taliban this time. Go ahead. Jesus will protect you.

I'm confident that Pastor Jones will take me up on this offer.

Unless he's a fucking pussy.