Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The stimulus worked

From the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities:

in other words...

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Was it something I said?

Stupid cowardly hillbilly Judson Phillips has kicked me out of his Back Porch, Cousin-Fucking, Jingoist Idiot Jug Band. I'll miss those fools.

Eh, no I won't. Holy crap, what a mean, crazy bunch of assholes.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Of pearls, and their clutching

David French (right), writing for the National Review Online, has some ideas about the sources of poverty:
It is simply a fact that our social problems are increasingly connected to the depravity of the poor. If an American works hard, completes their education, gets married, and stays married, then they will rarely — very rarely — be poor. At the same time, poverty is the handmaiden of illegitimacy, divorce, ignorance, and addiction.
Interesting argument. Kinda like saying vaginas cause rape. But moralizing smugcuntery aside, what's with the vocab? "Depravity?" "Handmaiden?" Who talks like that?

The kind of people whose comment CAPTCHAA generates text like this, that's who:

Calm down, folks - no toilethomo here

That's an old trick, to help you last longer. Dude wanted his $80 worth, I guess.

Speaking of which: $80? Seriously? Being a twisted, bigoted closet case is one thing. But stinginess is something I cannot abide.

And yeah, I know that illo is kinda half-assed. I'm at work and, well, did you ever Google the phrase "gay baseball?" You'll see just the darnedest stuff! I had to work quickly before somebody called HR.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Jennifer Roback Morse needs a good fuck in the ass

Jennifer Roback Morse is a truth-twisting, wrinkly old hatchet woman from the Ruth Institute. Ruth is a spinoff of wheezing tallow-mountain Maggie Gallagher's ridiculous National Organization for Marriage, where uptight, dust-queefing heifers huffle and harumph about the evils of teh ghey.

To give you an idea of the level of discourse common on Ruth's pages, here's Morse's argument in defense of some Florida teacher's asinine comments about civil marriage equality:

Extra credit: She squeezed in that drama-queen argument that the rights of Christians are under assault by a godless liberal junta. Which is horseshit, but whatever: Let's assume for the sake of argument that Morse's opinions really could one day be outlawed. This is the thesis she'd nail to the church door? "Anal sex is icky?" What a fucking moron.

And hey, Jen, FYI... if you think anal sex is icky, maybe you're just doing it wrong. Call me. I'll rock your world, girl.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Zack Snyder is rapin' errbody out here

(From time to time, we invite guest haters to share their ill will. Our latest, the pseudonymous Herr Mißbilligung, is a working journalist with clips in both online and national print publications. And he finds he can no longer contain his bile.)

Guess what? Man of Steel or Superman Returns Again or Superman VI: The Desperate Quest to Maintain the Rights Before They Revert Back to Siegel and Shuster or whatever the hell the new movie is going to be called, won't be very good.

Because Zack Snyder, that’s why.

And I’m not talking about the casting or the first official image of what looks to be “Jersey Shore” superhero DJ Kally-El – that’s beside the point.

And I’m not even going the knee-jerk “Snyder is a hack” route – although he so amazingly is. Let’s be 100% honest. Is there any other reason why he’s the favorite of those reader-hating virgini-trolls at C.H.U.D?

No, the problem with Zack Snyder is that he’s a rape-obsessed asshole. And he’s steering the adventures of our most pure-hearted superhero. Let that sink in.

Let’s trek backwards through the shitfield of Snyder cinema, trek we?

Last we left him, he had just delivered his first “original” movie: The execrable Sucker Punch. Not only is calling this movie “original” like referring to a mixtape you just made as “your album,” it’s a two-hour rape fantasy topped off with a healthy dollop of gamer-tard. If Snyder could have gotten away with just straight delivering tentacle-happy hentai, he would have (and likely will soon, if there’s any justice and Superman sends him to the Island of Misfit directors alongside McG and twelve interchangeable French directors who do interchangeable horror remakes). You could write Sucker Punch off as poor judgment if this guy’s entire filmography weren't more rapey than Charlie Sheen’s guest suite.

Prior to Vagina Punch: Rise of Actual Women Scare Me, Snyder did what I’m sure he believes is a movie version of Watchmen (but did anyone else notice that making this movie and a motion comic was redundant?). He clearly was attracted to the material because it already had a rape in it. Of course, Alan Moore covered the rape in two panels and did the job with suggestion rather than graphic depiction. But Snyder was all, “No way, bro. I need to make this rape SEXIER, you feel me? Let’s stretch this shit out to 10 minutes and use slo-mo. UP TOP!”

300 was trickier. Frank Miller’s original story was barely over 80 pages long and set almost entirely on the battlefield. So clearly Snyder needed to beef it up for a feature-length running time. Luckily, he had a plan: “Dude, we could…” wait for it… “add a rape!” To which you might imagine someone replied, “Um, Zack? Not only is this rape totally gratuitous, it actually contradicts everything Miller establishes about Spartan women.” To which Snyder would snarl, “Fuck that shit, dawg! Get me a Red Bull and my raping goggles!”

Before any of this, though, he made his name with a half-assed remake of Dawn of the Dead that I didn’t bother to fucking see. But I can only imagine someone is raped in it. If not, it’s only because he was a fledgling director and didn’t get final cut. There’s zombie-rape footage out there, and Snyder has that shit on Blu-ray.

Don’t come crying to me when Superman bends Lana Lang over a tractor, or if Red Kryptonite gives Clark Kent a massive CGI robo-cock that can only be defeated by the combined forces of schoolgirl skirts and ball gags. Zack Snyder is a horrible person, and a worse director.

Get used to the idea.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

My friend Casey is succinct

You all know about Tony Perkins, right? No, not the actor who used to let Stephen Sondheim pee on him at his summer house. I mean the putatively heterosexual friendless irritant from the Family Research Council. He makes his living fucking things up for gay people, and blames Jesus for his bigotry.

I waste more time and energy than I should kvetching about the little twatwaffle, especially when he says shit like this:

Forget for a second the insulting implication that gay people are broken. It's just straight-up bullshit that no church would cast a homo into outer darkness. Rick "Hey Fatty Boom-Boom" Warren, anybody?

Whatever. I've got better things to do. From now on, I'll adopt the more economical prose style of my friend and colleague, Casey Schreiner:

Of course, Perkins and other fake Christians like him will cite this as more evidence of their blessed martyrdom. Because forget feeding the hungry or caring for the sick - what Jesus wants them to do is yammer about teh ghey all day long.

To which I will reply, "Fuck you."

Oh, and check out Casey's blog if you like hiking and shit.