Eugene Delgaudio: Toilethomo?

This blog is more than just an outlet for gentle observational humor. I maintain it as a public service; a clearinghouse for information about putatively heterosexual moral scolds who spend way too much free time dwelling on teh ghey.

A case in point: One Eugene Delgaudio (pictured), Public Advocate of the United States. It would be tempting to dismiss him as nothing more than a con man, pocketing tidy annual sums by fleecing gullible rubes. The excellent blog Waking Up Now provides ample evidence of his chicanery.

But to these trained eyes, there is another phenomenon in play. Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that Eugene Delgaudio is a toilethomo. How else to explain such prose as this?

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.” Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

Thank you for your time.