Friday, March 30, 2012

Kwestion Korner!

A friend writes:
Hey John, I was just thinking about a socioeconomic issue of immeasurable global importance. And I was thinking, hmm, I wonder what the unconsidered opinion of a delusional Jesus freak who shits babies for a living is.

Thanks for asking! Over to Michelle Duggar:

This has been Kwestion Korner for the week ending March 30th, 2012.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Tara Servatius is not a racist

She's just a lazy dumb dildo.

In a blog post for the John Locke Foundation (whatever), radio and internet "personality" Tara Servatius ran a picture of Barack Obama in drag. LOLGURLYMAN!

And chains. Oh dear.

Eating a bucket of KFC. Oh dear, dear, dear.

But! Tara wants you to know, she aren't no durn racist: The picture "was meant to illustrate Obama's southern political strategy, nothing more." Hurr?

See, "Obama is courting young voters, 70 percent of whom support gay marriage. It was one of the first photos to come up on Google Images." Damn you, racist gay Google!

Okay but wait. To Tara's tiny mind, being gay equals being a drag queen. That's just not so. (Okay, look, that was one time. C'mon. I went to NYU in the 80s. I don't want to talk about it. Fuck you.)

Oh and you know what? "I didn't think about the racial implications of the picture when I posted. I simply don't think in those terms," she snuffles. "Regrettably, some people do."

SO IT'S YOUR FAULTS, YOU RACIST GAYS WITH YOUR CHICKEN! Grow up. Get your mind out of the bucket. Tara's a nice girl. Who's dumb and lazy and full of shit.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Eugene Delgaudio: Toilethomo?

This blog is more than just an outlet for gentle observational humor. I maintain it as a public service; a clearinghouse for information about putatively heterosexual moral scolds who spend way too much free time dwelling on teh ghey.

A case in point: One Eugene Delgaudio (pictured), Public Advocate of the United States. It would be tempting to dismiss him as nothing more than a con man, pocketing tidy annual sums by fleecing gullible rubes. The excellent blog Waking Up Now provides ample evidence of his chicanery.

But to these trained eyes, there is another phenomenon in play. Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that Eugene Delgaudio is a toilethomo. How else to explain such prose as this?

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.” Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

Thank you for your time.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bill Donohue, defender of the downtrodden

SNAP is a group which advocates for victims of pedophile priests. Well, Bill Donohue (pictured) is just up to here with that sort of malarkey, and he ain't having it:

"The bishops have come together collectively," the president of the Catholic League told the New York Times. "I can't give you the names, but there's a growing consensus on the part of the bishops that they had better toughen up and go out and buy some good lawyers and get tough."

Yeah! That'll show 'em! To heck with those "victims." They've got some nerve, getting themselves raped and traumatized.

"We don't need altar boys," Donohue continued.

Oh yes they do, AMIRITE?????

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Because manners matter

I have, I realize upon reflection, an unfortunate habit of using gendered terms to describe women with whom I strongly disagree.

So in turning over a newer, more sensitive leaf, let me just say that Sarah Palin is a fucking imbecile

Rhymes with "jerk"

Kirk Cameron's PR bunny says the actor-slash-douchebag "is thankful for the thousands of emails and comments that he's received from those who value the freedom to express one's beliefs."

Nobody is threatening or even questioning that freedom, idiot. But when you spout stupid, hateful bullshit on TV, you can expect to be called out for it. Yes, you have every right to say what you like about gay people. You can even ascribe this bigotry to Jesus, if you like. Even though the poor man is dead and it's vulgar to drag him into this stupid argument.

(Friendly aside to ABC News: Fuck you very much for the screechy autoplay video behind that link. It's not even the right story.)

How many of Rush Limbaugh's listeners are adulterous scumbags?

Hell of a leader you've got yourselves there, GOP.